Dear Dream Journal

by Michaelanne Petrella

Sup Noids. I could write an entirely separate blog about my dreams and you would piss your pants with boredom because all dream stories are the worst. However, I've been told that my dreams are slightly less boring than most, so I'm taking a shot here and writing one down I had last night. 

This dream is called Baby Friends.

We open our scene with a child version of myself sitting on the floor in a room with other latchkey kids. We've all been kidnapped by a corporate suit guy who lured us into a van using a badge and a stern voice. There are about 10 kids including me. 

We are sitting there eating stale oyster crackers as a snack, when all four walls of the room fall over with a dusty thud and we are on stage, expected to give a play to a bunch of adults who seem very happy to see us. None of the adults are parents. Just wealthy people waiting to see the first on-stage reality show called Baby Friends. The Muppet Babies theme song starts blasting and all the kids start barrel-rolling around on stage like a choreographed dance. I wasn't paying attention during the dance training, I remember retroactively, and so I have no idea what to do. Instead of rolling around, I start to inch my way offstage. I get pushed back onto the stage and a spotlight hits me for the "solo". 

The solo is supposed to be a rap, according to the change in music. There is a man with rap lyric cue cards in the orchestra pit and I can't read them. At this point, I become lucid and realize it's a dream. I look off to the side of the stage and see a giant red lever on the wall. I run over to it - and now all the suits offstage realize I'm aware of the Matrix or whatever - and they run to stop me. 

I pull the lever. The music stops, the stage begins to rumble and a square chunk of it with all the kids on it, lifts up out of the stage. I hop on and begin flying it above the audiences heads. I instruct the children to pour honey all over the audience (there were jars of honey on the stage airplane, like all stages, of course) and the audience began forming this giant rat king.

Dream Analysis:

I have delusions of grandeur.