"We are the 9%" Doesn't Chant As Well As You'd Think

by Michaelanne Petrella

Hi Friendface! Here's some news for your eyebulbs to soak in. This is what the US of A's voting population is agreeing with suddenly:

1. A Politico/George Washington University Battleground Poll out today found that 60% of likely voters favor raising taxes on households making more than $250,000 a year. But Obama didn't get 60% of the popular vote. Which means many people voted for a candidate that would NOT raise taxes on the wealthy, but believe that it is important that we do so.

2. An even larger majority of people think we should definitely raise taxes on corporations, an opinion not held by some of you while you were pressing Romney's name, but then mere weeks later it became something you felt very strongly about. How precious of you! You are INCREDIBLE. In-crey-ab-bley. You saw the facts and said shut up to them and voted based on the number of yard signs you saw. Or, MAYBE YOU JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND ALL THE FACTS WITH THOSE DISTRACTING DOOMSDAY COMMERCIALS. IT WAS ALL SO CRAZY. Such a crazy time! Who even remembers who you voted for anyhow. 

(Go ahead and watch the clip. I'm just gonna keep talking.)

3. OR, it just means you WERE a likely voter but couldn't be bothered to vote last time. BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW HOW BUSY YOU ARE! NO SERIOUSLY, YOU MUST HAVE BEEN TOTALLY SWAMPED. YOU HAVE A KID AND A CAT.

4. Or, it means your mind was completely changed after turning OFF Fox News because you thought they were running repeat episodes. In case you didn't click the word repeat, let me just tell you that they are reporting on the "Ground Zero Mosque" AGAIN, claiming there are not enough non-prayer related activities and that this mosque is taking a victory lap for 9/11. They literally said the phrases: "All pray and no play" and "Mosque-rade."

I'm all dead now.

Post Script:

Let's end this on an upbeat note, with a big old Happy 197th Birthday to Ada Lovelace, the Enchantress of Numbers, and the world's first computer programmer.