News Roundy Roundy Roundskins Round Up

by Michaelanne Petrella

Good morning boys and girls, here are your afternoon announcements. There is a lot going on with John Boehner and Grover Norquist, but since I hate looking at their faces, let's focus on other news items from today. I will report on all the major news food groups. Animals, People, Corporations that are People, People/Animal hybrids, and Joe Biden.




1. There is a room full of puppies for students needing a study break at the Dalhousie Student Union. How fun!

Here is Peppers running away from needy students.

Big Foot.

Big Idiot.

2. Romney face tattoo guy regrets getting Romney face tattoo. He is going to get it removed, so he can sell ad space on his face for another tattoo.

3. Big Foot is real says this press release!

Big Idiot.

4. BP is not allowed to have any new government contracts because they whoopsied oil all over the ocean during Deepwater Horizon Wireless spill of 2010.








5. Biden went shopping today at Costco where he bought a TV, chidren's books, and pie. He rale happy about it!

Big Spender.

Post Script:

Sonya Yu of Noe Valley, San Francisco caught a convicted rapist, who had stolen $1,000 of her Amazon goods from her porch, in the act of stealing a box she baited him with. She chased after him with a wooden sword, but not before emptying a can of bear spray on him from the balcony above. He was taken to the hospital due to the amount of bear spraying that occurred, and has been arrested. The neighborhood is cheering her on Twitter.

Did you hear the NEWS ABOUT ALL THE STUFF

ZZZzzzZZZzzzz.....

by Michaelanne Petrella

Oh, hello! I fell asleep for a hundred hours after the election was over but I'm back! I wanted to update you on the news that I have been sleeping through recently.

News from the last whatever:

1. General Patton kissed a girl and he liked it. It is Obama's fault.

2. Hamas just dared Israel to invade Gaza on the ground. Mr. President, PLEASE DEPLOY HILLARY. UPDATE: Hills Deployed.

3. Thanksgiving is today, tomorrow, Thurby, and Fridaise. Guess Who Is Coming For Dinner? Someone who nearly choke to death eating a Reese's peanut butter cup wrapper because she thought it was food:

I also once almost died from eating an apricot.

and this fella: 

Dr. Chevy Fresh Hat.

Also featured at the upcoming Thanksbirthday Day is Chef Jim:

Sprouts on the Cob.

4. Guy Fieri just appeared on the TV.

Here are all the phrases he said that made me die:

Totez Bagoatious, Narga Blurgyflip!
Ba-widda-bah-da-bang-da-bang!

1. Shut the front door
2. Out of bounds
3. Off the hook
4. (Unintelligible screaming)
5. Getting your goat on
6. Regular old cooked-down skin
7. College Taco Bar
8. PhD in Rock n' Roll
9. I'm Russian to get some of this in my mouth
10. These noodles are overcooked, bro



5. Wait. Another episode just barfed out of the screen. I actually have to change this. His sunglasses are on the back of his head. They are yellow. His soul patch is a different color than his goatee!!! BRB.

6. Back from throwing the TV into a forest fire!

Okay, so here's all the even more news:

Jar of Hell.

7. Twinkies got extinct because Unions and Obamacare and Susan Rice's talking points. UPDATE: They may not get shut down? What a crock of dogshit! I'm trying to make a living here!!!!!!

8. I haven't tried it, but Pinterest told me that if you mix a 1/4 teaspoon of baking powder or baking soda, I can't remember which, but it's definitely one and not the other, into a quart of Southern Sweet Tea it makes sweet tea actually taste good.

9. Sorry, "The South", sweet tea needs a trillion lemons in it before I chug it down. And fuck you anyone that puts mint in tea. Mint is toothpaste. The end.



Post Script:

Sometimes turning your head brain on is weird and hard.

10. US Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL), who is on the Senate Science subcommittee, said, "I'm not a scientist, man" when asked how old the Earth is. He said he doesn't know how old the Earth is, and thinks it is "one of the great mysteries". You know, someone else said something like this before. It was Sherri Shepherd from the View back in 2007. When someone asked her if the Earth was flat, she said she had never thought about it and didn't know the answer. She was hesitant to say yes, because she was afraid it would conflict with her religious teachings. The next day she played it off like she knew all along that the Earth was round. Too late, Sherri! You should get a TV show with Guy Fireyface and it shall be called "Screaming While Chewing Soup".

Mirthlot and Raisinable Behavior

Most Tweeted Thing Ever is this photo, 

posted to Twitter after President Obama won the 2012 election:

Four more years!

by Michaelanne Petrella

Most people, especially bleeding-liver liberals like me, get their drank on during elections. Even though I was pretty confident about the outcome, being from Northeastern Ohio makes you assume that a sportz team loss is just around any given corner, even if a victory is imminent. My friend Willie D. astutely pointed this out during Karl Rove's descent into madness over the Ohio results. We all braced for the Rove Obstruction like how people brace for an onslaught of bedbugs: Lay there terrified that every itch is a bedbug and pray for death if it is. Or, in this case, drink upon old Merlot and eat fistfuls of off-brand raisins all night.

Four more beers!

Then, after hours of clenched fists and not finding any jokes funny, and shushing Jim for speaking, even during commercials, putting the cat in time-out for going near the TV plug, snorting lines of spilled vino, then murdering myself for jokingly using the word "vino" (I didn't stand for any joking or sass talking that night, even from myself), I watched Rachel Maddow announce that Obama had won Ohio, and the election. I think I started clapping and "hollering" but then, after that, I passed out from two years of stress leaving my body in a single millisecond. When Bumpa won, everyone was super happy, but also stunned that it wasn't a night of self-loathing, recounts, and Karl Rove suing people. But we weren't the only ones stunned that night.

Master of Gorplok SLEEPY!

Seems like Romney went through the Mormon version of getting drunk and sad on election night. Campaign insiders described him as being "shell-shocked" and surprised. My guess is, he probably showered 11 times in a row to get a blood pressure buzz, and Paul Ryan engaged in hate-Pilates for an hour. I think Karl Rove's innards' demon, that replaced his organs and is currently keeping him alive, started getting hungry and also sleepy.


Then, Romper's speechwriters decided they should probably get around to writing a concession speech. Since the President of the USA has to WAIT to give his victory speech until after his opponent concedes, it was slightly stupid and wude not to have written a speech in advance. Bad behavior! Poor form! Who pays your taxes! MICHAELANNE SLEEPY! Give me m'wine, Jam, I'm FINE.

Anyhoodles, instead of letting the President of the USA give his speech at a reasonable hour, the entire country had to wait to hear how Rompers is gonna pray for Obama's Muslim ways or whatever. It took them an hour to write a 5 minute speech. zzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzz

Many Conservatives were surprised by the losses that night. Probably because they all live inside a White dome of White light where they reassure each other that America is still White and White is Right, and Might is Right, and Right on Red, and Red is Commie, Commies are Obama, Obama is Kenyan, Kenya is the path to Syria's waterways, etc.

I need to make this next part as large as possible so your eyes remember to read it: After the reality sunk in, and after the speech was made, Rompers sprang into action and cut off his staff's credit cards in the middle of the night, leaving some of them stranded and broke. 
"Fiscally conservative," sighed one aide the next day.


The Right person won.

Post Script:

Me, after all the stress went from my body. (hover to activate gif, chrome users.)

Before the stress left my body:

(oldie but a goodie)

Women, Get the Fuck Out (the Vote)

Women of the USA: Unite and take...cover, possibly.

"Ballot Ballad" was probby taken. 

by Michaelanne Petrella

Voting day is here! This is the day that you stand in long lines, get bored, debate asking the person in front of you for a bite of their granola bar, text your friends to say how bored you are, and generally just get nervous and confused when you are reading your ballot. There ARE worse things than voting days. Like this pamphlet, for instance. Back in the wayback days, voting wasn't for everyone! The National Association Opposed to Woman Suffrage was unfortunately created by a woman named Josephine Dodge in response to women wanting the right to vote. Please read the following pamphlet to see why voting gives you wrinkles:

Copyright © 2011 The Regents of the University of California

I can't believe a woman wrote this. Doesn't she know her opinion doesn't matter? 

Woo Doggies! Fuck you women, according to this poorly-reasoned crazy person's manifesto. Lots of good points made about energy and time, but mostly good points made about whether or not women exist. This pamphlet is less about voting, and more about deciding if women are just redundant clones that have the ability to cancel out, or double-increase things, like some weird paradoxical entity. Don't you know that women are a spacial anomaly that will vote everything up its own ass? The genius that founded the National Association Opposed to Woman Suffrage was an anti-petticoat-takeover, college educated, woman. Imagine, a smart woman voting against her best interests, or rather, voting in favor of not voting!

The crazy thing is, she thought this was progress for women. She believed voting would compromise the nonpartisan integrity of women, that it would make them biased, and they wouldn't have the saintly dispositions to do their important social work -- they would be down in the mud with the rest of the mortals. This attitude mirrors certain kinds of "peace-making" referee rolls that women are supposed to have, but it also brings up the "politics are disgusting" thing. What people, and women people, mean when they say this, is they are disgusted by fighting. Which isn't even that good of thing to be grossed by. Be grossed by Super PACs and commercials, but don't act like passionately defending your partisan argument is disgusting or that you should feel guilty for voting since you are supposed to abstain from such "fighting".

Okay, I have convinced you to vote and now you are going "Wubba wubba wub wha what do I vote at!?" And I say, in response to that, Your stutter is fancy as hell!  Secondly, I declare that you shall vote for President Obama. You're sitting their wondering to yourself, "If Obama is so great for women, why don't I have a flying car yet?" This is a perfectly valid question. But instead of worrying about that like a doofus, why don't you ask a better question like this one: "What the fuck has Obama done for women?"

http://whatthefuckhasobamadonesofar.com

And, what the fuck will Romney do for women? He'd defund Planned Parenthood, he'd roll back Roe v Wade through Supreme Court appointments, and he'd still continue to support a man that said that rape pregnancies were intended by God.

You are still sitting at home like a wonderful idiot unable to find your fucking polling place. Are you wondering where you fucking polling place is? Here's a fucking website that will tell you:

http://www.yourfuckingpollingplace.com/

Now go vote. And don't wait to read about the issues for the first time at the voting booth. Don't hold up the line and don't accidentally get tricked into voting for mandatory chemical baths for puppies.

I hate baffs!

Heartlandia

I approve this graphic that I made in under 4 minutes. Totes profesh looking!
 I may have stolen the background from a Zales advertisement. 

by Michaelanne Petrella

Hello there, Ohio. I grew up inside your Heart of it All and I have a favor to ask. I want you to read three reasons why Romney is a chump. I sat through all of your winters and winter football games and winter storms and digging my car out and snow in Aprils and black ice season and tornado warnings and the Randolph Fair, so you can sit down and listen for five goddamn minutes.





HERE IS REASONS NOW:

Will someone take this car, go back in time,
find me, and give me this car when I was in high school? 

1. Romney grew up around the auto industry, and his family drew great wealth from it, but he thinks it should go to hell. Why? Because he only understands the mechanics of an assets management company and nothing else. He thinks that tough love on an industry or business makes it so only the BEST businesses emerge from the ashes -- like Darwinism. Or, for Creationists, it's like how God let Adam and Eve get eternally damned forever after testing their faith three hours after they gained sentience, and then, by extension, allowed all of that to domino into damnation for all future
generations to come, creating an endless deficit of trust and faith. LOL!

2. He thinks we should defund everything forever.  Conservative Republican politicians claim that shrinking the government is all about "the people's freedom". Really, they advocate for a less powerful government because the corporations, that financially support their campaigns, want less government regulation.

Less regulations on corporations means they can crush their workers'
 life enjoyment levels by 30% per day with ease.

Minimum wage wasn't created by fun-loving corporate bosses who love regulations. Neither were weekends. It's not that these companies are bad, but they don't have anyone else's interests in mind -- and as a matter of fact, we require that they don't. Shareholders get cranky and screamy if a company shells out money to employees instead of raising the value of the share. Conservatives have this idea that anyone should have the freedom to grow their company to be as big as they want, and let it do whatever it wants. Supporting that idea is like reading the 2nd Amendment and deciding that it means we can all own hydrogen bombs. We are looking at a power shift from a system run by people and representatives, to a system run by bosses and CEOs. You know what I DON'T want? A boss deciding my tax rates. Raise your hand if you love your boss and think your boss is a genius who should be in charge of your tax rates. Raise your fuck of a hand right now.


3. Responsibly applied science is the most important thing to our world.  

Science, the poem

by Michaelanne Petrella

We understand how science works 

And how it saves our lives. 

We understand responsible scientific advancement

Is how we evolve and thrive. 

Those who refuse to get it,

(And those who even fight it),

Don't understand that the lady who predicts the weather,

Can also predict the climate.

Green Technology and Green Jobs

Will be our next big boom

But we won't get very far

With this philistine in the room:

.

So, please don't vote for Rumples. Please. I am asking you not to vote for him with a calm voice and I'm not even screaming at you at all. Please don't vote for Mitt Romney. Please. Ohio. Don't. Vote. For. Him.


Post Script:

Mythological Furies, (not Furries), the Guardians of Law
and snake singlets, I guess.

Here are some Fun Myths that are made of idiot soup.

1. Myth #1: Private sector is infallibly great  - Orly? Because whenever I go to Taco Bell, I never actually end up eating Mexican food. It looks like it, kinda smells like it, but it taste like salted cream of wheat wrapped in a piece of cardstock. Stopping going there to "send a message" seems to have only made the food worse. (They had to cut corners somewhere after they lost my 600 dollar a month patronage.)

2. Myth #2: Both sides are corrupt - Grow up. Humans are corrupt, all shapes and forms of them, but at least Democrats aren't constantly getting caught doing something they rail against. Like closeted gay Republicans who oppose marriage equality. Or, raising taxes and fees in Massachusetts, despite claiming to never do that. Or, being anti-choice, but then pressuring your mistress into an abortion. Or, having a secret family on the side for several decades while you talk about the importance of family units and values, and blame single-parent households for increases in violence. Or, preaching about fiscal responsibility and then asking to raise defense spending 2 trillion above what the DOD is asking for and will pay for it by cutting healthcare. Or, criticizing the green pork in the stimulus package and then asking for green pork from the stimulus.

3. Myth #3: Government takes your freedom - There is one party trying to take away my uterus' rights and one that is not. There is one party that is trying to bust Unions who fight for workers' freedom and one that is not. There is one that is trying to eliminate my right to know what is in my food and products and one that is not. It's not government that wants to take your freedoms, it's corporate shills who get elected that do. Also, by a staunch conservative's own logic, they should be fine with getting rid "freedom inhibiting" things such as expiration dates, non-smoking airplanes, speed limits, seat belts, zoo cages, stop lights, leash laws, water standards, bike helmets, building standards, walls in general, doors, etc. No rules, baby, just a lot of love and faith and trust in each other. Let's all be free of rules! Let it all hang out, right?! What a bunch of hippies.

The Bullshit, The Shitstorm, and the Full of Shit

by Michaelanne Petrella

Here is all of the Shit:

Shitstorm: 

The National Weather Service is predicting that another storm could hit on Election Day. 

Shitty: 

The New York Times is reporting that the (non-partisan) Congressional Research Service withdrew an economic report that showed no connection between the wealthy's tax rates and economic growth, at the insistence of Senate Republicans. If you know anything about Conservatives, you know that their bitchin' economic argument is that tax cuts for the wealthy sprinkletinkles down into the poor people's mouths. In an attempt to hide that this doesn't work, they unwittingly drew attention to it. Mayor Wilkins-style.

Full of Shit: 

Chrysler's Vice President of Product Design Ralph Gilles tweeted @ Donald Trump yesterday, after Don Trumples made a poopoo in his ding-dong with this tweet:

Sorry about all the poopoo and ding-dong talk. But I wanted to illustrate that there are worse things than saying the word "shit." Which is my way of saying that Ralph Gilles should NOT have followed up his "shit" tweet with a sorry-for-swearing tweet, like he did. Don't be sorry for swearing! Shame spiral, everybody poops, etc.

Unfortunately, for us all, that wasn't Donnie Dumpers only steaming pile of shit from yesterday. He made this NEW video, which I highly suggest you watch if you are on your deathbed and are bored.  The problem with this video is that Trump claims Obama is at fault for his withholding of money to charity. See, Donald is used to being able to buy people, and he gets rale grumpers if he can't. Donka doesn't realize that for the safety of the President, and the sanctity of the Office of the Presidency, he can't hand over personal documents because a crazy man on an internet video is holding orphan food at gunpoint. 

BTDubs, the video is called "Donald Trump's Response To President Obama's Lack Of Transparency" which makes a ton of sense! People need to be able to demand things from Obama and get a response, without the process being inhibited in any way! COMMENTS MUST BE HEARD! (Comment section is closed on this video.)

Boom. Roasted.

Calling out a Bullshitter:
"'You know, kids have good instincts,’ Obama offered. ‘They look at the other guy and say, 'Well, that’s a bullshitter, I can tell.'" -Rolling Stone, 10/25/12 

Pile of Bullshit:
Karl Rove has been telling everyone in the media that Romney is going to win with 279 electoral votes. Currently, Romney only has 191 electoral votes in the bag right now, and there are 146 up for grabs. Batshit crazy analysts at biased and disreputable sources like Business Insider and the New York Times are saying that Romney will probably only get 234 votes. What the hell do they know! They are drinking Obama's Cooled-Aid! Karl Rove is just drinking regular beer like the rest of normal America minus Romney, of course! Get it? It was a joke about how much I dislike the Mormon church who forced my mom to renounce her previous childhood affiliations with the church IN PERSON, or they would not consider her as having "left the church" and would continue to send her newsletters and requests for donations. Don't worry, they were supes nice when they were judging her to her face about the decision to leave.

Mitt Romney is a "shoe-in" kinda!

But, getting back to uggo beastmaster, Karl Rove is a political heavyweight who is good at weighting things, like dice, for example. When someone confidently projects a winner in a tight race, people will change their vote to side with the winner, hence the loud projecting. Wait, I just got super depressed about that! I hate voters! Death to everything all the time.






Post Scr-shit-ipt (nailed it):
Paul Ryan, (I almost forgot about him!) loves Rage Against the Machine. I think he likes to work-out to them, or listen to them when he is running a 26 mile marathon in 15 minutes tops. Anyhow, Paul Ryan seems to be impervious to their lyrics wherein they hate-upon conservatives.

Weapons not food, not homes, not shoes
Not need, just feed the war cannibal animal
I walk the corner to the rubble that used to be a library
Line up to the mind cemetary, now
What we don't know keeps the contracts alive an movin'
They don't gotta burn the books they just remove 'em
While arms warehouses fill as quick as the cells
Rally round the family, pocket full of shells

- Bulls on Parade, Rage Against the Machine

I bring this up for two reasons. Firstly of all, RIP the mix tape this song was on. I miss that tape! Secondly, Paul Ryan is in hiding because nobody likes him for pretending to wash pots and pans at a soup kitchen for a photo op that he didn't ask permission to do. I guess they don't like his "bullshit on parade" stuff! Get it? I am making a joke about how his droopy eyeballs should not be paraded around in public. 

I look simultaneously super old and super young.

Reasons People are Undecided about the 2012 Presidential Election

1. Not sure if Obama's constant use of the word "folks" is folksy enough.

2. Not sure if Romney is willing to define rape as being between one man and one woman.

3. Not sure if Obama is going to release his dental records.

4. Not sure if Romney's orange spray tan was meant to court Latinos 

or those hopelessly entrenched in a GTL cycle.

5. Not sure if Obama's middle name is still a thing to be mad about. 

6. Not sure if Romney eats human food. 

7. Not sure if Obamacare covers forced ultrasounds.

8. Not sure if "Paul Ryan" is a palindrome for "Mitt Romney".

9. Not sure if Biden is Obama's friend or drunk uncle or what.

10. Not sure if Romney's 2 trillion dollar defense budget increase proposal is to show-off 

or if he plans on starting cool new war. 

Post Script: 

"To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked. I mean, really, what’s to be confused about?" ...

..."I wonder if, in the end, the undecideds aren’t the biggest pessimists of all. Here they could order the airline chicken, but, then again, hmm. 'Isn’t that adding an extra step?' they ask themselves. 'If it’s all going to be chewed up and swallowed, why not cut to the chase, and go with the platter of shit?' Ah, though, that’s where the broken glass comes in." -David Sedaris, The New Yorker, 2008

Talky-Talk Quotes | Mayor Cory Booker Tweets vs GOP Statements

Talky-Talk Quotes 

Rules:

1. Take Democrat Mayor Cory Booker tweets
2. Pick several people from Republican Party
3. Compare their recent statements side-by-side

Quick Bios:

1. Mitt Romney: A bulky skeleton that has a complete understanding of talking, regarding speaking. He is currently running for Captain of the USA Government Organization of Humans. Rompers has a perfectly suppressed wine spritzer grin at all times.

2. John Koster: Republican congressional candidate in Washington state, face looks like if dairy could frown. Newest "Rape Comment" club member.

3. Ann Coulter: Republican commentator. Hoarse-whisperer. Everyone's mean aunt who accidentally made fun of you for being in a wheel chair, then weirdly refused to apologize.

4. Rush Limbaugh: Conservative. Slut expert. A confused, and skinnier, Balthazar. (A quick Google search provided me with this already-made comparison.)

5. Cory Booker: Mayor of Newark, NJ. Democrat. Super Hero. He once ran "into a burning house on his street and carried a woman to safety, but only after arguing with a police detective assigned to protect him who tried to restrain him and even reached out and grabbed his belt." Another time, he brought a drug dealer to tears, (a man who had previously threatened Booker's life), and had him asking for help in getting his life on track. (NYTimes, 4/13/12) President of the Local Handsome Guy Union. (source: unconfirmed).


Here's all the talky-talk happening lately. Lots of talk about Event Sandy, of course, but what you may NOT realize is that not-talking-about-Sandy-at-all is making an appearance, as well. My comments are In Gray Italics. 

Mayor Cory Booker Tweets vs GOP statements 

NiaBeGee: we have no idea whats going on. House full of ppl/ a week old baby
Cory Booker: Can I come by and visit this evening with supplies to talk?
(Twitter, 10/31/12)

Mitt Romney: Your support has brought us this far, but we can't let up now. Here's how you can help in the final days. http://mi.tt/SfBCW6

(Twitter, 10/31/12)

Don't worry, the Final Days reference is just metaphor. Regretfully, he is not referencing the End of Days type of weather and aftermath on the East Coast. The link takes you to his campaign page so you can see how to volunteer for him, where you efforts are truly needed. 

KrocStandsAlone: Down to 2% on my last battery
Cory Booker: Where are u? We can charge u from a car. DM me!
(Twitter, 10/31/12)

John Koster: "'Incest is so rare, I mean, it's so rare,' he said. 'But the rape thing-- you know, I know a woman who was raped and kept the child, gave it up for adoption, and she doesn't regret it.' He added, 'On the rape thing, it's like, how does putting more violence onto a woman's body and taking the life of an innocent child that's a consequence of this crime -- how does that make it better? You know what I mean?'"
(Huffington Post, 10/31/12)

Rarely, if ever, Mr. Koster. So, here are my follow-up questions:
1. "Putting more violence onto a woman's body..." Do you think that abortions are done via firing squad? What other kinds of surgery are violence?
2. Did you just end your rape comment with "you know what I mean"? Why not just end it with the "basically" or "I dunno, I'm just talkin' here"?
3. I can't keep thinking about you right now, so let's end this with a blanket statement: Hated it!

Mama_Cita_R: a tree has bust throo their window n r in the dark n they don't know who to contact
Cory Booker: Call 973 733 4311
(Twitter, 10/31/12)

Rush Limbaugh: "Is it possible that Obama called Christie and said, 'You want some money? You want some? You better let me come. Doomberg already said, 'I can't come.' So what if Obama called and wants to come, and made money contingent on it? Christie wouldn't reveal that. I’m trying to be charitable here, folks. I’m trying to be charitable."
(The Rush Limbaugh Show website, show transcript, 10/31/12)

How to Write a Republican Joke: Think up a scenario that has no basis, do an offensive impression of the President, Slip in a nickname cheap shot for the mayor of a storm struck town, accuse a member of your own party of concealing information concerning the terms of aid to flood victims, and proclaim your own assessment as charitable. The last part is worth the whole set up! See, he is an entertainer and nothing he says is "real", except when he is telling his opinion in the form of a joke about it, for real, kinda. 

djfazzmoney: On Schley Street between Lyons Ave and Chancellor Ave there is a tree leaning on the power lines
Cory Booker: I will report 2 our team
(Twitter, 10/31/12)

Mitt Romney: "'We come together in times like this and we want to make sure that they have a speedy and quick recovery from their financial and in many cases, personal loss,' said Romney. ... 'Now people coming together is what’s also going to happen, I believe on November 7th,' Romney continued."
(ABC News, 10/31/12)

"Speaking of speedy recoveries, this recession recovery is taking forever! We can't afford 4 more years, nor can we afford FEMA. That should also be cut."

SEDIQUA_JASHEMA: I'm single mother of 2year old that lives alone no lites [a]nd no more food
Cory Booker: I can help. DM me where u live/phone #
(Twitter, 10/31/12)

Ann Coulter: “'I think [NJ Governor Chris Christie]'s hoping to use Obama to plug a dike,' Coulter, the author of the new book Mugged: Racial Demagoguery from the Seventies to Obama, wrote in a brief email to The Daily Caller."

(The Daily Caller, 10/31/12)

Cute comment, Annie-baby! Your Dennis Miller impression is pitch-perfect. 

Also, the Amazon listing/description for her new book contains this quote, presumably from Coulter: "This isn’t a story about black people—it’s a story about the Left’s agenda to patronize blacks and lie to everyone else.” Oh, I see. It's NOT about black people. I could have sworn you talked about black people for literally hundreds of pages.

gottaloveESH: Amy sister&mom has asthma & no power.Food is going bad/its very cold

Cory Booker: I can have supplies delivered. Where are u
Cory Booker: So good meeting you and your neighbors. Sorry no power but I hope the supplies, diapers, etc help. @gottaloveESHA

(Twitter, 10/31/12)

Two hours after her first tweet, Cory Booker had dropped off supplies and followed up with a "Good to Meet You" tweet. 

Chapter 5 of Booker's memoir: Flood Manners.

Post Script:

At the non-campaign Mitt Romney campaign event in Ohio, Romney compared cleaning a football field to cleaning up after a hurricane, and then suggested that his canned food drive was the equivalent of cleaning up. Unfortunately for Rompers, the Red Cross asks that you NOT donate canned goods and t-shirts as they impede the process, but prefers financial contributions. Trying to avoid looking bonkers, he did tweet asking people to donate to the Red Cross. Still, Hurricane Sandy thinks he is a dummy hole.