Chrimmas Trey News

by Michaelanne Petrella

Hi Dummy Donkeys. Here is a bunch of news about ME and also the rest of the world.

Soylent Orange.

1. Today, I was attacked by a hundred giant fruit flies that had been born out of a weird bowl of water and orange peels from yesterday. Was someone eating orange peel soup? Why are there so many orange peels? So, I screamed a single fountain of sonic boom waves out of my throat and Jim removed the soup from my eyesight. Before I had a chance to ask him about the soup, he quickly ran away from me with his hands in the air like Kermit. Then, all the fruit flies disappeared into the Higgs Boson field except for five of them. They have been taking turns landing on my computer screen. Now my computer screen has big punch cracks all over it.

2. Christian Slater's vote got rejected in Florida because his signature didn't match the signature on his registration card. He stood in line for 5 hours.

Cryburger.

3. Romney ate a sad Boston Market Thanksgiving meal.

Those dots are entire galaxies, not stars. You're incredibly unimportant. 

4. The Atlantic presents: 2012 Hubble Space Telescope Advent Calendar where you can go there every day starting now and look at the giant universe until you get depressed as hell.

Post Script:

I decorated the Chrimmas Tree. Here are all the ornaments:

1. Birdhouse near the bottom rung
2. Glitter poinsettia star held to top with dentist bib clamp
3. Hinged Santa storage ornament
4. Snoopy on Dog House
5. Chip Clips
6. Eeyore stuffed animal stuffed into the tree
7. Disco ball
8. Rudolph with umbilical cord
9. All of the other Charlie Brown characters but none of them are three-dimensional 
10. Glass roundies that are pink and blue with sparkle flowers
11. Snowman faces that I have turned around to face inward

Tree essentially looks like this.