Heartlandia

I approve this graphic that I made in under 4 minutes. Totes profesh looking!
 I may have stolen the background from a Zales advertisement. 

by Michaelanne Petrella

Hello there, Ohio. I grew up inside your Heart of it All and I have a favor to ask. I want you to read three reasons why Romney is a chump. I sat through all of your winters and winter football games and winter storms and digging my car out and snow in Aprils and black ice season and tornado warnings and the Randolph Fair, so you can sit down and listen for five goddamn minutes.





HERE IS REASONS NOW:

Will someone take this car, go back in time,
find me, and give me this car when I was in high school? 

1. Romney grew up around the auto industry, and his family drew great wealth from it, but he thinks it should go to hell. Why? Because he only understands the mechanics of an assets management company and nothing else. He thinks that tough love on an industry or business makes it so only the BEST businesses emerge from the ashes -- like Darwinism. Or, for Creationists, it's like how God let Adam and Eve get eternally damned forever after testing their faith three hours after they gained sentience, and then, by extension, allowed all of that to domino into damnation for all future
generations to come, creating an endless deficit of trust and faith. LOL!

2. He thinks we should defund everything forever.  Conservative Republican politicians claim that shrinking the government is all about "the people's freedom". Really, they advocate for a less powerful government because the corporations, that financially support their campaigns, want less government regulation.

Less regulations on corporations means they can crush their workers'
 life enjoyment levels by 30% per day with ease.

Minimum wage wasn't created by fun-loving corporate bosses who love regulations. Neither were weekends. It's not that these companies are bad, but they don't have anyone else's interests in mind -- and as a matter of fact, we require that they don't. Shareholders get cranky and screamy if a company shells out money to employees instead of raising the value of the share. Conservatives have this idea that anyone should have the freedom to grow their company to be as big as they want, and let it do whatever it wants. Supporting that idea is like reading the 2nd Amendment and deciding that it means we can all own hydrogen bombs. We are looking at a power shift from a system run by people and representatives, to a system run by bosses and CEOs. You know what I DON'T want? A boss deciding my tax rates. Raise your hand if you love your boss and think your boss is a genius who should be in charge of your tax rates. Raise your fuck of a hand right now.


3. Responsibly applied science is the most important thing to our world.  

Science, the poem

by Michaelanne Petrella

We understand how science works 

And how it saves our lives. 

We understand responsible scientific advancement

Is how we evolve and thrive. 

Those who refuse to get it,

(And those who even fight it),

Don't understand that the lady who predicts the weather,

Can also predict the climate.

Green Technology and Green Jobs

Will be our next big boom

But we won't get very far

With this philistine in the room:

.

So, please don't vote for Rumples. Please. I am asking you not to vote for him with a calm voice and I'm not even screaming at you at all. Please don't vote for Mitt Romney. Please. Ohio. Don't. Vote. For. Him.


Post Script:

Mythological Furies, (not Furries), the Guardians of Law
and snake singlets, I guess.

Here are some Fun Myths that are made of idiot soup.

1. Myth #1: Private sector is infallibly great  - Orly? Because whenever I go to Taco Bell, I never actually end up eating Mexican food. It looks like it, kinda smells like it, but it taste like salted cream of wheat wrapped in a piece of cardstock. Stopping going there to "send a message" seems to have only made the food worse. (They had to cut corners somewhere after they lost my 600 dollar a month patronage.)

2. Myth #2: Both sides are corrupt - Grow up. Humans are corrupt, all shapes and forms of them, but at least Democrats aren't constantly getting caught doing something they rail against. Like closeted gay Republicans who oppose marriage equality. Or, raising taxes and fees in Massachusetts, despite claiming to never do that. Or, being anti-choice, but then pressuring your mistress into an abortion. Or, having a secret family on the side for several decades while you talk about the importance of family units and values, and blame single-parent households for increases in violence. Or, preaching about fiscal responsibility and then asking to raise defense spending 2 trillion above what the DOD is asking for and will pay for it by cutting healthcare. Or, criticizing the green pork in the stimulus package and then asking for green pork from the stimulus.

3. Myth #3: Government takes your freedom - There is one party trying to take away my uterus' rights and one that is not. There is one party that is trying to bust Unions who fight for workers' freedom and one that is not. There is one that is trying to eliminate my right to know what is in my food and products and one that is not. It's not government that wants to take your freedoms, it's corporate shills who get elected that do. Also, by a staunch conservative's own logic, they should be fine with getting rid "freedom inhibiting" things such as expiration dates, non-smoking airplanes, speed limits, seat belts, zoo cages, stop lights, leash laws, water standards, bike helmets, building standards, walls in general, doors, etc. No rules, baby, just a lot of love and faith and trust in each other. Let's all be free of rules! Let it all hang out, right?! What a bunch of hippies.